** This #loveyourself post is written and unedited, so please forgive any grammatical errors. This is really just my heart on this Friday afternoon. **
I find it difficult to forgive myself. When I make mistakes, when I make wrong choices, when I just can’t seem to get it right…
I’m sure I’m not the only one.
We live in a world where a lot of us have access to this wonderful thing called technology – the internet, television, radio, social media. It’s so easy to get to know other people from all over the world, to learn new things, to change our paths… However, it’s just as easy to not…
It’s just as easy to compare ourselves, to feel we’re not learning fast enough or not figuring out something fast enough. It’s so easy to get trapped in our fear of failure, of not being good enough at that thing you love to do, of not being enough.
What if being you is just not enough?
What if you aren’t as unique as this other person?
What if your idea doesn’t work?
What if its already been done?
And then… we give up or take a break or come up with an excuse why we aren’t ready or why we should just work on this project a little longer, maybe we can figure out how to make it perfect…
Before long, a few years have passed and you may know more, but you’re still no closer to reaching that goal you set for yourself in the first place.
I find it difficult to put myself and my work out there. Most people close to me don’t have a clue what I do. I tell myself it’s because I’m still learning and not good at talking about myself or marketing or whatever. The truth is I’m just scared.
Every time I decide I’m going to do it, blog, post on social media, open an online shop I get excited. I start revamping my website and my social media headers, I get the projects I’ve been working on ready, I start planning content and I even post a few posts on Instagram and/or Facebook, and then… I just stop. I get scared and I stop and I tell myself that it’s okay because I’m still learning and I just need more time to make more stuff and learn more.
I believe myself when I say that. I’m so good of convincing myself of this that my poor husband can’t get me to believe anything else. Why? Because I’m scared to fail. I’m scared to fall. I’m scared my idea sucks. I’m scared that all of that will mean I’m not good enough.
I know it’s wrong. I would never ever want my children to feel that they can’t do anything they put their minds to. I know I need to stop and just put myself out there and I think this is the first step.
Yes, writing this has absolutely nothing to do with design or illustration, but that’s okay. Being human is okay, being imperfect is okay. Not making sense sometimes is okay.
Maybe if I share my doubts and fears and learn to love myself better, it can help me to become the (wife and mom) illustrator and designer – the person I want to be. Maybe it can help someone else to become the person that they want to be.
Maybe, maybe not, it doesn’t really matter.
It’s all a part of the process. I wear my heart on my sleeve for all to see. It’s who I am and who I’ll always be, I accept that.
I will keep trying and I hope you will too.